Red Leopard!

Red Leopard! by joy2love4life featuring silicone watches

Michael Kors cocktail dress
$714 - stylebop.com

Michael Kors black leather clutch
£170 - vanmildert.com

Miss Selfridge gold bangle
$15 - missselfridge.com

Silicone watch
$35 - bakersshoes.com

Ephiphany

An epiphany (from the ancient Greek ἐπιφάνεια, epiphaneia, "manifestation, striking appearance") is the sudden realization or comprehension of the (larger) essence or meaning of something.-Wikipedia

So I finally figured it out,

why my life is the way that it is

why at this tender age

I am alone and without a mate.

I pick the men in my life poorly.

It is hard to admit that

I like so many others

suck at picking what is right.

I can say wholeheartedly, 

that I loved each and everyone of them.

And if I am honest I can say for most

that love wasnt returned at all.

Yet I stay and attempted to love 

in-spite of it

Now I sit here,

an aging fool..with no arms to turn to

or to call my own.

Baka...Temee...

I am an idiot for leaving my life to chance.

It hurts..he hurt me

but I am confident that tomorrow 

will be much better without him

without any of them.

And that was the epiphany

life wont move forward as long as I'm 

holding on to the men of my past

Dead things must be allowed to die!

I've changed...and am changing still...

“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love. 

It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.” 

-- William Somerset Maugham  

This thing called change is so difficult for me.

 Who I am, the way I feel, the thoughts I think...

are all in many ways

 the essence of who I am

...inside. 

So to me it seems odd and without warrant

 to attempt to change these things for the sake of keeping

 what I have in my life now,

for everything at some point must end. 

I'd rather keep hold of the constant nature 

that is me then give it up for the fleeting

 love of a new idea,

or newly adopted hope, 

or hastily made promise

all of which can vanish before any of it comes to past.

Yet lately, 

I have come to love the me I see changing.

The me who embraces new things 

while remaining firm in my convictions

Perhaps a old dog can learn new tricks...

but with whom and where would such new talent be exhibited.

It seems as tightly as we seem to hold on to ideas of who we are..

those of us seem to hold on as well.

Gently guiding us back to the middle...sometimes...

more angrily insisting that things not change.

but I know in my heart that despite any resistance.

I want to be different that I was before.

Or should I say I want to fully embrace the person I am inside

The one who was too afraid to move forward in forgiveness for fear

that hurt would quickly follow.

I want to know the feeling of loving and trusting

without the need for assurance that the other feels the same.

I want to be free from the bonds that bind,

but then who would this woman...

in the mirror in front of me truly be.

Call me Ichigo!

"The power that comes from inside Ichigo could never be stolen"-Rukia to Ichigo's assailants

"Ichigo... they don't know that this isn't enough to make you give up hope. They don't know what kinds of hopeless situations you have overcome! Show them Inchigo! Show them that despair isn't enough to stop you !!!"-Rukia reminding Ichigo of his strength

I absolutely love anime! But beyond that, I love the message behind loss. I watched this video having no idea that it would be the one where he gains back his powers. As I heard the words, I realized that my soul was saying the same thing to me....despair isnt enough to stop me!!!


So grateful how GOD can send messages in different languages that can help in the restorative process. The bible says, we are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus name. I am definitely feeling that right now...devil beware, this child has their breast plate of salvation and sword ready to protect and defend what is mine. and I plan to do it all in Jesus name!

Thanking him for teaching me forgiveness..ode to a once hated ex

“In love, it is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder."-Anonymous

The other day 

while on the phone texting to the southern one,

 I thought about the "city one"

the one  who for so long

I have loved and desired.

Quickly I found myself saying

"THANK you!" with conviction.

The reality is that I am able to love now

because loving and dealing with our ups and downs

taught me to forgive out of love.

I seriously feel that he and I 

will never have a friendship worth much

I have given up on desiring him to be

 the kind of friend I need

But I accept that in his deviance

I learned a lesson that has changed my life

The lesson of loving despite 

or in-spite of it all.

Sounds silly I am sure....

 When it hit me how differently I respond to the "southern one"

I had to acknowledge how the battles with the "city one"

Created in me an ability to hear

To see with compassion.

I still do not think it is possible 

to love anyone more than I loved him

But I am grateful that the desire to see that love shared 

has passed

But most of all I'm grateful 

 that those past experiences toughed me up

enough that I can still hold on to love, 

in the mist of behavior that is unlovable.

I learned that my love is "deeper" than I ever thought imaginable!

And so is my ability to forgive...yet I had never noticed!

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, said the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.Jeremiah 29:11

Praise GOD...I made it through this day!

Sometimes life can hold you down and

 make you feel as though happiness 

and sunshine will never again cross your face.

but I thank GOD for being a a fence around me

keeping me safe and protected from those 

who seek to uproot me and lead me astray!!!

Today was not an easy day!

My eyes still feel swollen from the weight
 of the tears that streamed down my face.

I... in this moment... relinquish  all claims 
to any anger, frustration or sadness
 associated with the pain I felt today.

I ...in this moment seek instead to stand
 in GOD's glorious presence and

to declare, that I can do all things in JESUS'S name

Oh, Lord...I thank you

For the people you have placed 
in my life to help keep me

To say to my soul,

"arise young women for you are a child of GOD"!

I thank you in this moment LORD
 for Dr. Mitchell,

She is a saint whose spirit always seems to speak to mine.

Give me the tools I need to be the woman you have called me to be,

Thank you for using me today

To speak to the wounded heart of your dear child

My sister in the fight, Mrs. Virginia

Lord I ask in Jesus name that you protect her, 

Body, mind and soul 
from all who would seek to hurt or destroy her

Lord remind her of how far she has come

and how able you are to keep her feet from stumbling!

Lord, let every positive word I speak into her...multiple

Let every kind gesture I extend be seen as a loving embrace from you

LORD have every single moment we spend together, 

be reflective of your loving kindness.

In every interaction that we spend together,

Lord I ask that you remind us both of your words in Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, said the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

I pray these things in your name.

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."Philippians 4:7 King James Version (KJV)

Oh how I thank you Father GOD 

for renewing inside of me hope. 

I trust in your word, I trust in your promises.

 I know that what you desire for me is greater 
than anything I could ever imagine. 

I know right now my life has caused me to stumble, 
sickness has made its place in my body
 and I have lost the will to fight.


 I thank you for reminding me of your presence,
 for giving me space...time to rest,
 to gather my strength...
 to grab your hand and continue this journey.

I know not  where I am going,
 but I trust that where you are leading me
 is exactly where I need to be...
I trust that you have made provisions, 
I trust that in my lack 
you will stand in the gap and make sure that I continue, 
that I prosper...
and not just for your sake..
but because I am your child and you LOVE me
 beyond my ability to comprehend.

Thank you for being here with me, 
even when I lost the strength to call on your name. 
Thank you for sending people in my life 
to hold my hand in my moments of doubt. 
Please continue to surround me with your love,
 keep me focused on my goal which is and should always be
 to see you one day in heaven.