“We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love.
It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.”
-- William Somerset Maugham
This thing called change is so difficult for me.
Who I am, the way I feel, the thoughts I think...
are all in many ways
the essence of who I am
...inside.
So to me it seems odd and without warrant
to attempt to change these things for the sake of keeping
what I have in my life now,
for everything at some point must end.
I'd rather keep hold of the constant nature
that is me then give it up for the fleeting
love of a new idea,
or newly adopted hope,
or hastily made promise
all of which can vanish before any of it comes to past.
Yet lately,
I have come to love the me I see changing.
The me who embraces new things
while remaining firm in my convictions
Perhaps a old dog can learn new tricks...
but with whom and where would such new talent be exhibited.
It seems as tightly as we seem to hold on to ideas of who we are..
those of us seem to hold on as well.
Gently guiding us back to the middle...sometimes...
more angrily insisting that things not change.
but I know in my heart that despite any resistance.
I want to be different that I was before.
Or should I say I want to fully embrace the person I am inside
The one who was too afraid to move forward in forgiveness for fear
that hurt would quickly follow.
I want to know the feeling of loving and trusting
without the need for assurance that the other feels the same.
I want to be free from the bonds that bind,
but then who would this woman...
in the mirror in front of me truly be.
