Chosing the simplest to stay happy....

One day I found it hard to close my eyes,

it seemed as if the weight of life had me so down,

I wanted more than just to sleep ...

I wanted it all to end.

The weight of living with a body that isn't always well

seemed so hard a burden to bare.

A constant sense of enduring seemed to be all 

my life represented.

And I missed him.

The lover, turned friend, turner lover/friend...

now was no where to be found.

I needed a hug, 

some reassurance,

a smile.

I remember the day it all changed,

after hours of fighting to claim sleep,

my body shut down and rested.

When I awoke it was 1 day later.

Its amazing what 24 hours of sleep can do 

for the body.

I felt refreshed, 

I felt renewed,

but more importantly I felt free

In that instance of waking, 

there were no thoughts of you,

no thoughts of the demands of school,

no sense that any part of me was in pain.

Slowly, as my mind began to clear

the thoughts came rushing in...

tons of obligations...

nerves beginning to pulse with pain.

It was in that moment that I gave it all away...

the need to be respected...

the desire to be loved...

the quest for wealth and prosperity.

I gave it all away for the serenity of the present moment.

I let go of all the "needs" that were holding me trapped

and embraced a new way..

ACCEPTANCE...

APPRECIATION...

of how things were in the moment

and not of how I wanted them to be.

And 2 months later, 

my sleep hadn't improved much,

my health still weighs me down sometimes

but I seldom have those moments of wanting things

 to be over anymore...\

and I'm hoping that letting go of those things which made me sad 

keeps that feeling from returning.