Thanking him for teaching me forgiveness..ode to a once hated ex

“In love, it is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder."-Anonymous

The other day 

while on the phone texting to the southern one,

 I thought about the "city one"

the one  who for so long

I have loved and desired.

Quickly I found myself saying

"THANK you!" with conviction.

The reality is that I am able to love now

because loving and dealing with our ups and downs

taught me to forgive out of love.

I seriously feel that he and I 

will never have a friendship worth much

I have given up on desiring him to be

 the kind of friend I need

But I accept that in his deviance

I learned a lesson that has changed my life

The lesson of loving despite 

or in-spite of it all.

Sounds silly I am sure....

 When it hit me how differently I respond to the "southern one"

I had to acknowledge how the battles with the "city one"

Created in me an ability to hear

To see with compassion.

I still do not think it is possible 

to love anyone more than I loved him

But I am grateful that the desire to see that love shared 

has passed

But most of all I'm grateful 

 that those past experiences toughed me up

enough that I can still hold on to love, 

in the mist of behavior that is unlovable.

I learned that my love is "deeper" than I ever thought imaginable!

And so is my ability to forgive...yet I had never noticed!