Sometimes I feel as though I am wasting my life away in school. I look at my friends..all married, with kids and happy with men who love and value them. To say I envy them would be an understatement. Sometimes I feel as though my lack of drive is due to the fact that when I succeed in accomplishing this goal there will be no one there to celebrate it with me.
I miss him. For the first time in a long time I thought of him today. Thought about how so many of my thoughts, plans, goals were tied into being with him at some point. I no longer see him as anything more than a man, so there is no desire to reach for him any longer, no need to seek out his care. But at times like this I remember how he used to make me feel when I would get this way. How I could do work for hours, how life just seem better.
I think I might be starting to hate him and it pains my soul to write that. but in the mist of all this drama, cursing the me who loved him seems like it would be too cruel a thing to do. This damn grad school has kept me from finding an abundant life...so I lay here wishing and hoping for more~
I miss him. For the first time in a long time I thought of him today. Thought about how so many of my thoughts, plans, goals were tied into being with him at some point. I no longer see him as anything more than a man, so there is no desire to reach for him any longer, no need to seek out his care. But at times like this I remember how he used to make me feel when I would get this way. How I could do work for hours, how life just seem better.
I think I might be starting to hate him and it pains my soul to write that. but in the mist of all this drama, cursing the me who loved him seems like it would be too cruel a thing to do. This damn grad school has kept me from finding an abundant life...so I lay here wishing and hoping for more~
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Thanks for sharing your thoughts....Be Blessed!